Addictions (contd)

God is so cool ... and I just adore how the Holy Spirit works through us and with us.

I think my words yesterday spent a little too much time swirling around in my head. Kept thinking about that 2-3 day binge ... and before I could undo those thoughts ... I started down the path of feeling like I had been cheated from a real TIME OUT ... and soon those feelings turned right into the action of going to the store and getting cigarettes again.

I'm so familiar with this process that it is just down right annoying ... thought, feeling and then action. Predictable ... same pattern, same process and same result.

But like I said ... I don't really beat myself up anymore because I realize that it is just part of the learning ... part of the journey.

Was talking out some of my feelings to my husband last night ... but he was second in line because I was talking to God about it first. Had some questions and just needed a little advice and guidance. Often I can describe how I feel ... but don't understand where it comes from. So when Paul was able to sit down with me ... we talked and I basically repeated the same things that I was talking to God about ...

The coolest thing happened ... Paul talked about the fact that there is someone else that has a "beachhead" in our addictions. Satan. And just as much as God has a beachhead in my struggle ... so does Satan. In fact, I can say that with my addiction ... Satan used to have a stronghold in this area.

Not anymore! Through this struggle ... God and I both have invaded that territory and started taking back the land that belongs to us. So while we both have walked into that territory and planted a flag ... the enemy's presence is still there ... and the battle isn't over. (But at least there is a battle now, instead of Satan squatting on MY LAND!)

BUT ... as long as I keep opening the door ... or leaving a crack in the door ... I'm allowing Satan to maintain that beachhead. Leave the door open too long ... and he makes advances ... and it's harder for me to close the door.

(Big sigh) ... tough stuff. Still up to me to close that door ... Paul got a dose of truth too. He likes to leave his door cracked ... just a wee bit ... but still open.

I still found all of this pretty cool, though ... Paul doesn't read my writings so he had no idea that I used the word "beachhead" to describe the struggle.

I just love it when God confirms that he is listening and watching. I mean, I know it ... but it is so much better when I can see it or hear it ... straight from him!