Do I Love God

That turned out to be a very serious question. I wanted to know the answer but at the same time I already knew the answer. The truth is ... sometimes.

Love is an interesting word ... one I've thought about a lot during my life. What is love? What does it really mean? How do you know that someone really loves you? How do you know it isn't just a "word?" How do you know you are "loving" someone?

For many years, I thought love was a feeling. That emotional state of just "feeling" love. If you love me, I will feel it ... that's actually how I got all messed up with sex. If you have sex with me, that must mean that you love me. Even if it is only for a few moments. For those moments, I would "feel" loved ... it was all about how I feel when I'm with you.

During my relationship with the Lord (and with Paul) I've had to "unlearn" that kind of behavior. I understand more about love ... realizing that love is not just about how you feel ... it has much more to do with my actions. Our actions (things we do for others) is really the way that love is expressed ... and often there is no "feeling" or mushy emotion that comes with it. Love is when you sacrifice a part of you (time, money, desires) and do something for someone else when there is absolutely nothing in it for you.

Look at the cross. Isn't Jesus' sacrifice the absolute ultimate expression of God's love for us? Jesus' actions and willingness to give everything ... absolutely everything is a picture of perfect love ... love in action. There was a part of him that was afraid ... he was in anguish at what was about to take place. "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."

And yet, he did what he was there to do. It just simply amazes me and it gives me hope. He did what he was asked to do ... I can't even comprehend or imagine having to face what Jesus had to go through. But in the same breath, I have to say that I do understand what it is like to be asked to do something that seems completely impossible ... something that causes me pain and anguish like I have never known. There is no comparison to the cross that Jesus had to bear ... but it is my cross and it is hard to bear at times.

I keep thinking about Jesus ... wondering how he was able to do what he did. Why didn't he give up? Why didn't he just say "I can't do this!" Why didn't he just say "this is too hard?" Why didn't he just run away and hide from what he was asked to do?

I can only come up with one answer ... love.

He loved His Father and did what he was asked to do
He loved the ones that would be saved because of his suffering, his death and his resurrection.
He saw the greater purpose .... it may hurt for a while ... but what was on the other side of this hurt was the greater good.

Leaves me with only one question ... God is asking me to do something specific during this particular season ... will I do it ... or will I choose not to do it.

Do I love God ... or do I love myself more?